we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
