bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
