the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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