just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize