She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
