I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
