Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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