Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
