i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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