Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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