Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
