He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
