Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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