May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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