I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
