Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
