I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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