i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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