so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize