My sheets look like a crime scene.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
