2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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