After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
