he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
