Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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