I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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