She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
