I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
