if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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