Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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