so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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