Fuck appropriateness.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
