I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
