i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
