Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
