I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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