apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
