I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
