it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
