Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
