yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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