All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
