true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
