i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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