Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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