You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize