I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
