So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
