Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
is it fun? or sober?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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