Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
