Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
