Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
