so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
