Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
