take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
