Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
