i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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