Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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