You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
