Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
