Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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