very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
