Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
