I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
