So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
