he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
