So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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