I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
