I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
