what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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