Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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