i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
