so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
